Why do I feel ike this?

I have many times try to do the right thing. I work but miss a lot. I don't mean to but sometimes i just don't feel like being there I rather be out doing something ales. witch i end up being at home doing nothing. I have been trying to get trough my GED for years now. I star and then dont finish. I have so many ideas and so-many things i would like to accomplish but dont follow true with them. I feel like im not worth it. Is like if i stop my self from doing it but i dont know how to change. I dont know how to be normal. Im in a relationship i constantly complain about because i feel he docent love me enough and i love him to much but at times i dont feel anything for him. I constantly feel like he cheets on me and makes fun of me cuz he thinks im not doing anything or im not smart enogh. To me the most important thing is to one day have a family of my own and be happy but it seems that every time im in a relationship i seem to screw it up. I live with my BF now but im constantly feeling negative emotions towards him. I care about him alot but I dont think he loves me tha way he says he does.. It hurts me. I feel like I have no future and that scares me. Im crying right now cuz I feel so scare.. I dont feel like im normal. I want to be a winer like everyone alse an commit to my goals but dont seem to be able to do it. Is like one day I wake up motivated and feeling like I can do anything and star a project but the very nex day I dont have the same motivation and energy i had the day b-4. I constantly feel like people talk about me behind my back I have even thought that maybe im bad really bad and i deserve it. I feel like dying sometimes.. What is wrong with me? Im 28 but dont seem to be doing all the things my friends are doing or have done. My boyfriend calls me boring and anti social. He sticks around the house with me but I know deep inside he wants to go out and have fun but I feel like something in my mind is not right. I dont have many friends never have is like peopl3 dont want to get to know me. I just feel like horrible